petulant

Monday, October 26, 2015 @ 1:52 AM 0 stares

When you're in love. Jealousy is inevitable. You feel envy towards all people who get the chance to always talk or socialized with him/her. Their friends, their classmates and even their families. Even the simplest things they do together can trigger that lame feeling inside, your hands get cold for no reason and you just get mad or have mood swings in the middle of the day.You always think of being the only one whose his/her attention worth to. Being jealous towards someone can only prove how you really love them and fear that one day, that person will be gone.

I've been jealous before. Even before I got into relationships. I always get jealous towards my brothers who seem to always caught the attention of Mom. I get mad and then cry for that reason and just lock myself up in my own room and never go out. My mom doesn't even bother to comfort me. So I kinda get used to the feeling that my Mom loves her boys than her girl.

The last 2 years where I continously spent my life sharing to someone special, I've experienced a lot of jealousy. Not the lock up room jealousy but that kind that makes you mad and just punch someone right in the face. Growing up with two brothers whom I always get a fight with, I seem to get my own strong punch. Yeah, everybody knows even from high school that I always punch boys whenever they try funny things to me. Though I managed to calm myself, I can't help but try to let it out to someone. I even remembered punching my ex bf when I knew he cheated on me. It was in front of his dorm house. I also had an ex issue with my ex gf a few months ago and for that I tried to punch Janne instead of her. No, I did hit Janne. Janne only laughed at me. They told me that I look cute when I get jealous. But its not. The real me when jealous, cries. I cry a river especially when I know, deep down that I dont deserve to feel that shit.

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