Thursday, May 24, 2012 @ 10:08 AM 0 stares
Before anything else, I wrote this one out of need to say for my disappointment of people. I have to post my here since my ex is checking my tumblr and J follows me there.
So, its pretty obvious that I had already pointed out my disappointments of my ex-love here. This time, this is all about my best friends way way back BSMT-1F. You see, Janne, Jannine, Vergil and Me are the best of douchebags in the class. I mean, we always study, sit the same row, chit chat, CHEAT *hellyeah*, hangout, eat and laugh together. They're always the one whom I really really trust the most out of all friends I have. But now, somehow, I feel like I can't trust them anymore.
-JanneJanne is my douche. She's a she but she acts boyish all the time and sometimes, Its annoying.But, I love her that way. She's like a sister to me. She's the first L I've ever really really been closed with. What I hate about her now is that she sides more on K rather than hearing my side. She seems not to give a fuck. What hurts is that, she thinks Im all okay with everything. If she really cares, she would help in anything that can solve our relationship *since thats what I have been doing for you and rhea!* not just sit in one corner and let everything fall down. Sometimes, I even think that she's scared to tell me the truth cause maybe she supports K more rather than me, her real best friend. It's just sad that she didn't even asked me what was going on and what she can help to solve and get back things together again. Nevertheless, I know she doesn't want to side on someone.
-JannineJannine is my soulsis. She's in Dumaguete now. She's the one I've always hang on to for everything. I always tell her my problems. She inspires me always with all her gospels and bible phrases. In fact, she was only the one whom I opened how hurt I was of what K did to me. She told me things will be fine and that I can chika her everything when she comes to Cebu. But then here comes....
-VergilVergil is my stalker. He stalked me back when we were 1st year. He chats me at fb in a very weird prof pic. It was weird, he even call me bunny. We quite get along cause we love the same hippy songs and cause we always cheat together during Chem and Physics.
....Vergil & Jannine kinda fell in love. I don't know how a geek like Vergil got Jannine but for some reason, I hated them. They're still dating now and yeah, filthy couples.
Jannine recently came to Cebu last week. Vergil was all that open to us about what his plans when Jannine comes to Cebu. I and Janne were tooo excited that we even saved up money for our soon-to-be hangouts. But Jannine's parents stricted her to go elsewhere except SM. They stayed here for one fucking night and J's plan was only to hangout with her boyfie the whole saturday. So thats why, she sent us this PLEASE-UNDERSTAND-ME message which we replied OH-OKAY, THATS-FINE.. blah blah whatever! Well, as for us, we decided to not give a damn anymore about them and just pool out with Edch and Rhea, Janne's GF, at Villa Teresita.
But we we're hurt. No. Mad rather. She always chats about how she misses us and everything. Even Janne was mad about the whole PLEASE-UNDERSTAND-ME message thing. I was mad as fuck, you have no idea. I mean there's no difference if we can just see her for 3-5 minutes and then walk away, dba? After that you can go all sexy time together. But she thinks we're all fine and that we always have to understand them cause yeah they're special together and we're just ex-cmates who doesn't miss her. I mean, thats so selfish. Now she's back at Dumaguete and we didn't even see her. Me and Janne are now on silent treatment and idk when will this end. But, maybe somehow, we just have to let her know that its not okay to just CHOOSE BOYFIE OVER BESTFRIENDS. She should have understand that since we were all bestfriends at the first place.
So yeah, Im disappointed as fuck. -.-
Wednesday, May 16, 2012 @ 9:16 AM 0 stares
And there are times when I feel like Im just playing around with my feelings. I don’t know but
maybe that’s what this life is all about, always lose special people around
you. People whom you thought will always be there for you, for whom you put your
whole trust to but failed. Honestly, I was hurt. I was bittersweet-ed hurt. That
kind of feeling that even sleep can’t comfort and even smoking cant forget. I’ve always thought that sleep and smoking and
not minding everything else makes me feel better all the time. They always make
me feel better before. But for some reason, they just don’t work out now
anymore. Day by day, I feel like nothing but some useless daughter- friend-sister-granddaughter
to everyone. I try to redirect my
thoughts by keeping in touch with friends but nothings working out. Tried to
hang out but for some reason, they always gave me this excuses. I don’t know
what to do next actually, all I know is that Im going 3rd year. Same
school, same people, same hallways, same classes. Hopefully, different environment
and a place to stay in.
But there’s always something that tells me inside, “Wow, you fell
for the same trap again.” and “You’re generally a mistake.” Im just confused
how all of the sudden just went slapping in my face. Like I don’t even know
what I did and entered into for the past months. All I know is I saw myself
trusting again for the 2nd time but then was disappointed, again.
Being with this person made my 2nd year worthwhile along with people
whom I always consider gifts. I miss that specific person. A person who proved to me that I can do something on my own, that I can trust again, that a mistake
I’ve done before was only a tiny error, that Im not alone, that I have to let go
of my past, that taught me that GOD is always there and that I can also feel being
loved. I know we haven’t talk in awhile and see each other for 2 months
already, and I understand how you can handle everything like this but I just want to let you know that Im always
here. Even though you decided not to talk to me anymore like you always did, I
will always be a good friend and that you will always be in my heart. I miss you and all the stuffs we always talked
about. I do wish you'll talk to me these days.
Friday, May 11, 2012 @ 6:05 AM 0 stares
They always bring me down for no reason. They point out my mistakes instead of the loyalty and respect I gave to them for the past 2 years. Now, don’t start me with those things that I didn’t do just because you heard it from them. If you have problems with me transferring to a dorm cause you think I cant look on my own, cant find any food to fit my small allowance, cant go home early cause Im spending my time dating, cant wash my own clothes and cant clean my space? Well, Im a grown up and yeah, I can wash my clothes, I can clean, I can look on my own THANKS TO YOU and I dont just go drinking and smoking and dating with any of my friends cause I’ve got shitloads to do at Velez. I hope you can understand that Im trying my very best to finish this college stuff and hopefully, not depend on you giving me financially. I do wish sometimes you can be proud of me Daddy.
Thursday, May 10, 2012 @ 6:08 AM 0 stares