Tuesday, September 18, 2012 @ 5:43 AM 0 stares
Monday morning while walking in the
hallway. At the back of my head, I can still remember how Syvelle and Joe mumbled how hard that test was. How
Cinco could possibly gave such type of exam knowing there are a lot of students
failing because of her exam types . How Syvelle didn’t wrote her answers on the
answer sheet right before time. Joe asking me what the answers are and me being
the genius feeling again. While Cha2 and Ross and me just laughed all our
mistakes.
That’s US. It’s like our usual routine. DISCOURAGE, REGRETS, REMORSE. Still we hope for the best. God knows what’s going to happen for the next few weeks.
Not that Im being such a hypocrite or any exuberantly
confident student with passing grades but really, with all honest, I got into days where I just tell myself that “
Well, I did my best in that exam” and times when I just know
right at point that I lacked effort on
that exam. I will never be shock when I
get low scores when at the first place I already knew Im going to get it. I
mean, Yes I do cry because I don’t want
to fail again, I don’t want others to look small on me and I want to prove to them that though Im already an
Irregular, I can still keep up with my majors and f them off with my passing
scores.
I don’t want to be greater than someone else. I just want to be better
than what I thought myself yesterday. I want to be better by tomorrow and the
next day and the next day. Prove to myself that somehow, Im gonna graduate someday. That Im going to have my
own job and help my brother financially. Buy my grandma with dresses. Buy
groceries with my own money. Shop with any regrets. Go to places. Travel. Have
my own DSLR, My own car and place.
I understand how everyone get so pissed off and then cry at some point in Velez. But Fuck discouragements,
fuck crying and thinking over things that’ll only make you unproductive. Being negative. Self procrastinating. Self-pity cause you didn’t get a passing score and still not doing any
improvements at all. Making excuses as if you’re very proud of doing them. You even do more efforts to your boyfriend
than your own book. You know right ahead that you’ve got to adapt more in
studying cause 3rd year is different. But no, you’re still playing
that stupid game as if that’s going to help you in life, reading those manga
comics like they’re going to be real when you fail, being so busy with your
MU-idk-if-real guy as if I fucking believe you. So calm and dependent cause
everybody else is failing that’s why you’ll just let yourself go with the flow.
For a change, grow up! Stop depending on
your parents, stop believing that you’re gonna be okay because your boyfriend will
be there, stop telling yourself that you’re going to fail. For once, think
about your parents. Think how they work hard just to have you in this
institution and probably hoping that you’ll help them soon when they’re old.
Believe in yourself, do better and be productive. Pray a lot. Smile. Take a
break or a nap. Listen to music. Go somewhere else where you can study. Just go
with your guts.
And hey, Drink some MILKTEA. It’ll make you feel better, PROMISE. C: