Friday, September 14, 2012 @ 8:35 AM 0 stares
So it's already Friday of September 14. And yes, Im not studying because Im sure there's no Exam tomorrow except maybe the post exam for Leukocyte Count. But hey, Im procrastinating again.
Okay, so I just remembered those MOONCAKES at Sister of St. Paul Chartres Medical Center. I've been craving a lot of things these past days. It's weird. I just have this sudden urge to go back that place and just maybe, maybe wander there and just experience those days again when my mom was still alive. I loved that place. I spent my half life there, you know. It was like very peaceful with trees and pretty nurses going around and yes, the Nuns walking like some creepy ghost. It is also the place where I told myself that Im gonna be a doctor someday. That maybe, If I get tired I'll just be a Nun. I also saw a lot of Medtechs there but I don't have any idea they were called such. I always think of them as one of the Nurse category or any sucking bloody job. They were all serious all the time. Walk in patient's room and then go straight to the Lab or vice versa. Yeah, they're cool. I never thought I'll get the same course as them. My course is too cool. lol
Soooooooooooo. Ever since my mom was diagnosed with cancer, I had already got into a lot of hospitals in the city. There's VCMC, Miller Sanitarium and Hospital and Perpetual Succour Hospital.The one I really really missed the most is the Sisters of St. Paul Chartres Medical Center. It's a specialized center for cancers. Not that I love it. I hate it, honestly, cause thats where my mom spent her last days and then died at that exact room, hallway where I cried a sea and the place where my phobia for hospitals even got worse. I just miss it cause I used to walk on those buildings and always think, yes my mom is gonna be okay and that she’ll go home with us again and we can go shopping and watch cinemas and what any normal family does. And yes, Im gonna stop now cause Im going to start crying and it irritates my swollen left eye. Gaah, f late nights.
I also missed that MOONCAKES well they’re actually muffins, I guess, at the canteen. Me and my mom both love those mooncakes and other foods there. We used to buy a lot of foods there even though my mom is not allowed to eat those. She's a hard ass. Like me.
I’ll go back there probably this following days and buy some mooncakes or muffins or whatever.
I MISS YOU MOMMY
I MISS YOU MOMMY
Tuesday, September 4, 2012 @ 11:50 AM 0 stares
Room 207. Yes, its a new place. Internet. New Bed. New study table. New closet. New environment. New people. SAME SHIT. EVEN WORSE than Labangon.
It's been 2 months since I started living here and yes, its different. Different in a way cause unlike in Labangon here it's BORING. Boring cause I don't have persons to talk to, No dogs to play with, Have walls that makes you thought of things, Double deck bed which is so hard to climb and NO FOOD.
Person to Talk To
I mean, Im used to this stuff. I got no one to talk to about everything but there's just empty here. I feel like I don't want to talk to Tats cause he's serious. Tiny talks to me but I don't know if I should trust her in some ways. It's hard when you've got no one to talk to inside a room, you tend to be suicidal sometimes cause you think you're not worth a voice for.
No Dogs to Play with
Im an animal lover. I don't understand how Tiny can look that angelicly good and pretty but hates animals particularly Dogs. In labangon, when Im bored I just go outside and play with KingKong and Sparky. Here, I'll just glance at those dogs at the Cebu Vet and think to myself if I could just go inside and play with those dogs or steal one and bring in here. It'll be great having a dog here, I could really get use some company.
Walls
Well, i slept in a double deck-ed bed and unfortunately on the TOP BED. Its hard to climb these things cause you might step on someone's face or worst woke them up while they're fast asleep. Its hard to go down, too cause it makes metal noises. And yes, Walls. You see mate, I see walls in these room. White walls create a different ambiance to one's mind. So the more you see it, the more you think of deeper thoughts. Like one of those rooms inside a psychiatric ward. White walls and there's bed and then YOU. It makes me feel trap always. Like Im not going anywhere cause you're suppose to stay here, study those ass out, cause you don't have enough money to go out and cause you chose to transfer here rather than staying in your Aunt's house. Making you feel guilty about transferring.
FOOD
This. For the record, I was never the patay gutom type my whole life and I think thats pretty obvious by looks of mine. But somehow when I got here, everything is always HUNGRY. I got to find some place where I can fit my small allowance and at the same time get myself FULL. Its hard to study when your stomach is growling and scratching for FOOD always. I really really wish I can eat a lot these days. Everyone's telling me that Im too skinny which makes me look unhealthy and unattractive.
So by the looks of it, yeah I don't like this place. I don't want to be here. I want to stay somewhere I can really feel at home. Like in Asturias. I miss Labangon. But I can't go back there cause I know they'd laugh at me. I want to prove to them that I can live by myself without them checking on me and insulting me in every fucking way. Someday, I'll prove that to them. Someday Im going to have my own house here in the City with my brother and we're going to have our car just like them. And we're going to buy anything we like without them feeling pity on us. And as for you Dad, I know you'll never be proud of me. I just want you to know that I will be working someday and I won't be needing your help just to sustain us. If you only knew how many times I have to try myself, stopping myself to tell you about everything. But I guess, we're not worth listening for. Im not worth listening for. And I hate you for that.
Saturday, September 1, 2012 @ 11:03 PM 0 stares
-gloryszabo
It's been awhile. I know you're tired of listening to my craps and I know Im not suppose to bring things up like this again but I just really want to point this out.
So hey maybe I was too much towards you. The way I feel. Trust. Believe. Expect. Think. Worry. Love. Care. Maybe because I ain't got that kind of loving from anyone every since my Mom died. I felt so special because of you and that affected me a lot. You were the only person that made me feel that way. Now, I feel so embarass for being such a [slave towards what I feel for you.] Sad in almost every way cause I thought you'd be here with me doing this and that. Disappointed cause I don't know what to do next. Bitch cause Im starting to push people away from my life. Started a fight with Cha2 cause she lies all the time. And even mad at everyone. Annoyed. Fucked up. And just not right.
I hate myself for screwing things this bad. For letting myself be placed in this situation AGAIN. For feeling this emotional anxiety everyday. Im fighting everyday for no reason and just get tired and depressed. No, Im not tired of college. Im tired of hiding myself from you. Scared that I'll see you in this hallway and ignore me like what you always do. Leave me crying like mad at school cause you found my blog. Act like you never received any of my texts. Go with edch cause you know that'll make me jealous. Afraid of checking facebook cause there you are so happy and free with your inspired status and pictures of where you guys been having fun. Find every possible way to show me how happy you are and me just devastated and paranoid about everything.
But Im still happy for you. You seem so happy all the time that I wonder if you ever thought about me or even the little promises we said. But hey Im really happy for you. I really do.You got whole new bunch of friends and a family that really loves you.
Im really hoping for US to be friends again, not just some pass-me-by-the-hallway friend. A kind of friend that you USED to be. We used to be...: I really miss you.
Monday, August 20, 2012 @ 3:02 AM 0 stares
So what if we're both single now?
If nothing else, I hope you know that I love you with every ounce of my being. I hope you realize your important not only to me but to everyone who has been lucky enough to know you. I hope you know that when you're feeling down, I only ever strive for your happiness. I hope you remember that no matter what, Im always here for you and I will be staying for quite a time. And that this will never ever change.
I love you dear! :)))
Friday, August 17, 2012 @ 4:34 AM 0 stares
Third Year Life is damn serious.
Anyways. Funny how time goes fast when you least expect it. Back then, I was all confused on how to deal my life in college and how to graduate. A course where I don't have background with or even dreamt of becoming one someday. Universities like UC, UP and USC were all on the lists. I took entrance exams and God knows how I passed each of it. I passed Veterinary Med at UP but got discouraged by the looks of the school and how my cousins don't want me to study there. I passed both Nursing Entrance Exams in UC and USC and again, cousins got in the way. With all honest, I was only looking up to any course where I got to actually study COLLEGE. I didn't mind everything, I was only following to what cousins told me. And here goes Velez College. The old faced building and the oh so forest look was okay but seriously it scared the hell out of me. There were rooms without fans and yes the EMVM. The place where it all started. The place where we all met.
So yeah VC is the college where most of my cousins graduated but were all NURSES! Take note, NURSES! I never love or even considered the idea of being a nurse cause its already common, dont want to wipe other's butt or even go front to front with people with diseases and take care of them for salary. Nevertheless, I chose MEDICAL TECHNOLOGY. The only Velez course that doesn't have an entrance exam.
So 1st year was a struggle and 2nd year was THE BEST. To cut to the chase, Im now a third year. Yes, the oh so terrored year for all medtech students in Velez. Rows of major subjects for those who are regular and lucky for those irregular ones. But still, same weeks full of struggles, stress and other shitloads. I got few subjects in hand but I still find it hard to pass some exams. I just had my HEMA lec awhile ago and yeah, I know I won't be passing that one either.
Oh well. :'(
Thursday, August 16, 2012 @ 1:30 AM 0 stares
"I know this is random but just thought of letting you know that I missed our late night talks :) Anyway Study Well"
And there goes my HEMA thoughts cracking out of my skull.
That feeling of uncertainty again. Is she telling me that we should talk more often? Oh, she must have missed me? So she still loves me? Yes, that sort of mental breakdown whenever your Ex texts you at the middle of the night while you're seriously studying small font notes in HEMA. Though I admit, Im already numb and had developed my own sense of IDGAF thing for this but I just can't help turning back to that page again, question myself if Im doing the right thing and just go reply to that message
"Oh, I miss those too babe. I really wish we can do those again. Study well, too. ILOVEYOU"
But to my pure whim, I didn't. I only send her a very stupid smiley just to give her her own taste of medicine whenever she doesn't reply to any of my text messages. But hey, I was rambling and cuddling so much to my roommate out of my KILIGNESS to that random message Thursday night.
And yes, that inspired me to study more a few hours later. It made me smile for awhile. And yeah, you still give me that feeling.
Gawd, i miss you.
:)
Thursday, May 24, 2012 @ 10:08 AM 0 stares
Before anything else, I wrote this one out of need to say for my disappointment of people. I have to post my here since my ex is checking my tumblr and J follows me there.
So, its pretty obvious that I had already pointed out my disappointments of my ex-love here. This time, this is all about my best friends way way back BSMT-1F. You see, Janne, Jannine, Vergil and Me are the best of douchebags in the class. I mean, we always study, sit the same row, chit chat, CHEAT *hellyeah*, hangout, eat and laugh together. They're always the one whom I really really trust the most out of all friends I have. But now, somehow, I feel like I can't trust them anymore.
-JanneJanne is my douche. She's a she but she acts boyish all the time and sometimes, Its annoying.But, I love her that way. She's like a sister to me. She's the first L I've ever really really been closed with. What I hate about her now is that she sides more on K rather than hearing my side. She seems not to give a fuck. What hurts is that, she thinks Im all okay with everything. If she really cares, she would help in anything that can solve our relationship *since thats what I have been doing for you and rhea!* not just sit in one corner and let everything fall down. Sometimes, I even think that she's scared to tell me the truth cause maybe she supports K more rather than me, her real best friend. It's just sad that she didn't even asked me what was going on and what she can help to solve and get back things together again. Nevertheless, I know she doesn't want to side on someone.
-JannineJannine is my soulsis. She's in Dumaguete now. She's the one I've always hang on to for everything. I always tell her my problems. She inspires me always with all her gospels and bible phrases. In fact, she was only the one whom I opened how hurt I was of what K did to me. She told me things will be fine and that I can chika her everything when she comes to Cebu. But then here comes....
-VergilVergil is my stalker. He stalked me back when we were 1st year. He chats me at fb in a very weird prof pic. It was weird, he even call me bunny. We quite get along cause we love the same hippy songs and cause we always cheat together during Chem and Physics.
....Vergil & Jannine kinda fell in love. I don't know how a geek like Vergil got Jannine but for some reason, I hated them. They're still dating now and yeah, filthy couples.
Jannine recently came to Cebu last week. Vergil was all that open to us about what his plans when Jannine comes to Cebu. I and Janne were tooo excited that we even saved up money for our soon-to-be hangouts. But Jannine's parents stricted her to go elsewhere except SM. They stayed here for one fucking night and J's plan was only to hangout with her boyfie the whole saturday. So thats why, she sent us this PLEASE-UNDERSTAND-ME message which we replied OH-OKAY, THATS-FINE.. blah blah whatever! Well, as for us, we decided to not give a damn anymore about them and just pool out with Edch and Rhea, Janne's GF, at Villa Teresita.
But we we're hurt. No. Mad rather. She always chats about how she misses us and everything. Even Janne was mad about the whole PLEASE-UNDERSTAND-ME message thing. I was mad as fuck, you have no idea. I mean there's no difference if we can just see her for 3-5 minutes and then walk away, dba? After that you can go all sexy time together. But she thinks we're all fine and that we always have to understand them cause yeah they're special together and we're just ex-cmates who doesn't miss her. I mean, thats so selfish. Now she's back at Dumaguete and we didn't even see her. Me and Janne are now on silent treatment and idk when will this end. But, maybe somehow, we just have to let her know that its not okay to just CHOOSE BOYFIE OVER BESTFRIENDS. She should have understand that since we were all bestfriends at the first place.
So yeah, Im disappointed as fuck. -.-