Saturday, September 1, 2012 @ 11:03 PM 0 stares
-gloryszabo
It's been awhile. I know you're tired of listening to my craps and I know Im not suppose to bring things up like this again but I just really want to point this out.
So hey maybe I was too much towards you. The way I feel. Trust. Believe. Expect. Think. Worry. Love. Care. Maybe because I ain't got that kind of loving from anyone every since my Mom died. I felt so special because of you and that affected me a lot. You were the only person that made me feel that way. Now, I feel so embarass for being such a [slave towards what I feel for you.] Sad in almost every way cause I thought you'd be here with me doing this and that. Disappointed cause I don't know what to do next. Bitch cause Im starting to push people away from my life. Started a fight with Cha2 cause she lies all the time. And even mad at everyone. Annoyed. Fucked up. And just not right.
I hate myself for screwing things this bad. For letting myself be placed in this situation AGAIN. For feeling this emotional anxiety everyday. Im fighting everyday for no reason and just get tired and depressed. No, Im not tired of college. Im tired of hiding myself from you. Scared that I'll see you in this hallway and ignore me like what you always do. Leave me crying like mad at school cause you found my blog. Act like you never received any of my texts. Go with edch cause you know that'll make me jealous. Afraid of checking facebook cause there you are so happy and free with your inspired status and pictures of where you guys been having fun. Find every possible way to show me how happy you are and me just devastated and paranoid about everything.
But Im still happy for you. You seem so happy all the time that I wonder if you ever thought about me or even the little promises we said. But hey Im really happy for you. I really do.You got whole new bunch of friends and a family that really loves you.
Im really hoping for US to be friends again, not just some pass-me-by-the-hallway friend. A kind of friend that you USED to be. We used to be...: I really miss you.
Monday, August 20, 2012 @ 3:02 AM 0 stares
So what if we're both single now?
If nothing else, I hope you know that I love you with every ounce of my being. I hope you realize your important not only to me but to everyone who has been lucky enough to know you. I hope you know that when you're feeling down, I only ever strive for your happiness. I hope you remember that no matter what, Im always here for you and I will be staying for quite a time. And that this will never ever change.
I love you dear! :)))
Friday, August 17, 2012 @ 4:34 AM 0 stares
Third Year Life is damn serious.
Anyways. Funny how time goes fast when you least expect it. Back then, I was all confused on how to deal my life in college and how to graduate. A course where I don't have background with or even dreamt of becoming one someday. Universities like UC, UP and USC were all on the lists. I took entrance exams and God knows how I passed each of it. I passed Veterinary Med at UP but got discouraged by the looks of the school and how my cousins don't want me to study there. I passed both Nursing Entrance Exams in UC and USC and again, cousins got in the way. With all honest, I was only looking up to any course where I got to actually study COLLEGE. I didn't mind everything, I was only following to what cousins told me. And here goes Velez College. The old faced building and the oh so forest look was okay but seriously it scared the hell out of me. There were rooms without fans and yes the EMVM. The place where it all started. The place where we all met.
So yeah VC is the college where most of my cousins graduated but were all NURSES! Take note, NURSES! I never love or even considered the idea of being a nurse cause its already common, dont want to wipe other's butt or even go front to front with people with diseases and take care of them for salary. Nevertheless, I chose MEDICAL TECHNOLOGY. The only Velez course that doesn't have an entrance exam.
So 1st year was a struggle and 2nd year was THE BEST. To cut to the chase, Im now a third year. Yes, the oh so terrored year for all medtech students in Velez. Rows of major subjects for those who are regular and lucky for those irregular ones. But still, same weeks full of struggles, stress and other shitloads. I got few subjects in hand but I still find it hard to pass some exams. I just had my HEMA lec awhile ago and yeah, I know I won't be passing that one either.
Oh well. :'(
Thursday, August 16, 2012 @ 1:30 AM 0 stares
"I know this is random but just thought of letting you know that I missed our late night talks :) Anyway Study Well"
And there goes my HEMA thoughts cracking out of my skull.
That feeling of uncertainty again. Is she telling me that we should talk more often? Oh, she must have missed me? So she still loves me? Yes, that sort of mental breakdown whenever your Ex texts you at the middle of the night while you're seriously studying small font notes in HEMA. Though I admit, Im already numb and had developed my own sense of IDGAF thing for this but I just can't help turning back to that page again, question myself if Im doing the right thing and just go reply to that message
"Oh, I miss those too babe. I really wish we can do those again. Study well, too. ILOVEYOU"
But to my pure whim, I didn't. I only send her a very stupid smiley just to give her her own taste of medicine whenever she doesn't reply to any of my text messages. But hey, I was rambling and cuddling so much to my roommate out of my KILIGNESS to that random message Thursday night.
And yes, that inspired me to study more a few hours later. It made me smile for awhile. And yeah, you still give me that feeling.
Gawd, i miss you.
:)
Thursday, May 24, 2012 @ 10:08 AM 0 stares
Before anything else, I wrote this one out of need to say for my disappointment of people. I have to post my here since my ex is checking my tumblr and J follows me there.
So, its pretty obvious that I had already pointed out my disappointments of my ex-love here. This time, this is all about my best friends way way back BSMT-1F. You see, Janne, Jannine, Vergil and Me are the best of douchebags in the class. I mean, we always study, sit the same row, chit chat, CHEAT *hellyeah*, hangout, eat and laugh together. They're always the one whom I really really trust the most out of all friends I have. But now, somehow, I feel like I can't trust them anymore.
-JanneJanne is my douche. She's a she but she acts boyish all the time and sometimes, Its annoying.But, I love her that way. She's like a sister to me. She's the first L I've ever really really been closed with. What I hate about her now is that she sides more on K rather than hearing my side. She seems not to give a fuck. What hurts is that, she thinks Im all okay with everything. If she really cares, she would help in anything that can solve our relationship *since thats what I have been doing for you and rhea!* not just sit in one corner and let everything fall down. Sometimes, I even think that she's scared to tell me the truth cause maybe she supports K more rather than me, her real best friend. It's just sad that she didn't even asked me what was going on and what she can help to solve and get back things together again. Nevertheless, I know she doesn't want to side on someone.
-JannineJannine is my soulsis. She's in Dumaguete now. She's the one I've always hang on to for everything. I always tell her my problems. She inspires me always with all her gospels and bible phrases. In fact, she was only the one whom I opened how hurt I was of what K did to me. She told me things will be fine and that I can chika her everything when she comes to Cebu. But then here comes....
-VergilVergil is my stalker. He stalked me back when we were 1st year. He chats me at fb in a very weird prof pic. It was weird, he even call me bunny. We quite get along cause we love the same hippy songs and cause we always cheat together during Chem and Physics.
....Vergil & Jannine kinda fell in love. I don't know how a geek like Vergil got Jannine but for some reason, I hated them. They're still dating now and yeah, filthy couples.
Jannine recently came to Cebu last week. Vergil was all that open to us about what his plans when Jannine comes to Cebu. I and Janne were tooo excited that we even saved up money for our soon-to-be hangouts. But Jannine's parents stricted her to go elsewhere except SM. They stayed here for one fucking night and J's plan was only to hangout with her boyfie the whole saturday. So thats why, she sent us this PLEASE-UNDERSTAND-ME message which we replied OH-OKAY, THATS-FINE.. blah blah whatever! Well, as for us, we decided to not give a damn anymore about them and just pool out with Edch and Rhea, Janne's GF, at Villa Teresita.
But we we're hurt. No. Mad rather. She always chats about how she misses us and everything. Even Janne was mad about the whole PLEASE-UNDERSTAND-ME message thing. I was mad as fuck, you have no idea. I mean there's no difference if we can just see her for 3-5 minutes and then walk away, dba? After that you can go all sexy time together. But she thinks we're all fine and that we always have to understand them cause yeah they're special together and we're just ex-cmates who doesn't miss her. I mean, thats so selfish. Now she's back at Dumaguete and we didn't even see her. Me and Janne are now on silent treatment and idk when will this end. But, maybe somehow, we just have to let her know that its not okay to just CHOOSE BOYFIE OVER BESTFRIENDS. She should have understand that since we were all bestfriends at the first place.
So yeah, Im disappointed as fuck. -.-
Wednesday, May 16, 2012 @ 9:16 AM 0 stares
And there are times when I feel like Im just playing around with my feelings. I don’t know but
maybe that’s what this life is all about, always lose special people around
you. People whom you thought will always be there for you, for whom you put your
whole trust to but failed. Honestly, I was hurt. I was bittersweet-ed hurt. That
kind of feeling that even sleep can’t comfort and even smoking cant forget. I’ve always thought that sleep and smoking and
not minding everything else makes me feel better all the time. They always make
me feel better before. But for some reason, they just don’t work out now
anymore. Day by day, I feel like nothing but some useless daughter- friend-sister-granddaughter
to everyone. I try to redirect my
thoughts by keeping in touch with friends but nothings working out. Tried to
hang out but for some reason, they always gave me this excuses. I don’t know
what to do next actually, all I know is that Im going 3rd year. Same
school, same people, same hallways, same classes. Hopefully, different environment
and a place to stay in.
But there’s always something that tells me inside, “Wow, you fell
for the same trap again.” and “You’re generally a mistake.” Im just confused
how all of the sudden just went slapping in my face. Like I don’t even know
what I did and entered into for the past months. All I know is I saw myself
trusting again for the 2nd time but then was disappointed, again.
Being with this person made my 2nd year worthwhile along with people
whom I always consider gifts. I miss that specific person. A person who proved to me that I can do something on my own, that I can trust again, that a mistake
I’ve done before was only a tiny error, that Im not alone, that I have to let go
of my past, that taught me that GOD is always there and that I can also feel being
loved. I know we haven’t talk in awhile and see each other for 2 months
already, and I understand how you can handle everything like this but I just want to let you know that Im always
here. Even though you decided not to talk to me anymore like you always did, I
will always be a good friend and that you will always be in my heart. I miss you and all the stuffs we always talked
about. I do wish you'll talk to me these days.
Friday, May 11, 2012 @ 6:05 AM 0 stares
They always bring me down for no reason. They point out my mistakes instead of the loyalty and respect I gave to them for the past 2 years. Now, don’t start me with those things that I didn’t do just because you heard it from them. If you have problems with me transferring to a dorm cause you think I cant look on my own, cant find any food to fit my small allowance, cant go home early cause Im spending my time dating, cant wash my own clothes and cant clean my space? Well, Im a grown up and yeah, I can wash my clothes, I can clean, I can look on my own THANKS TO YOU and I dont just go drinking and smoking and dating with any of my friends cause I’ve got shitloads to do at Velez. I hope you can understand that Im trying my very best to finish this college stuff and hopefully, not depend on you giving me financially. I do wish sometimes you can be proud of me Daddy.