Thursday, August 16, 2012 @ 1:30 AM 0 stares
"I know this is random but just thought of letting you know that I missed our late night talks :) Anyway Study Well"
And there goes my HEMA thoughts cracking out of my skull.
That feeling of uncertainty again. Is she telling me that we should talk more often? Oh, she must have missed me? So she still loves me? Yes, that sort of mental breakdown whenever your Ex texts you at the middle of the night while you're seriously studying small font notes in HEMA. Though I admit, Im already numb and had developed my own sense of IDGAF thing for this but I just can't help turning back to that page again, question myself if Im doing the right thing and just go reply to that message
"Oh, I miss those too babe. I really wish we can do those again. Study well, too. ILOVEYOU"
But to my pure whim, I didn't. I only send her a very stupid smiley just to give her her own taste of medicine whenever she doesn't reply to any of my text messages. But hey, I was rambling and cuddling so much to my roommate out of my KILIGNESS to that random message Thursday night.
And yes, that inspired me to study more a few hours later. It made me smile for awhile. And yeah, you still give me that feeling.
Gawd, i miss you.
:)
Thursday, May 24, 2012 @ 10:08 AM 0 stares
Before anything else, I wrote this one out of need to say for my disappointment of people. I have to post my here since my ex is checking my tumblr and J follows me there.
So, its pretty obvious that I had already pointed out my disappointments of my ex-love here. This time, this is all about my best friends way way back BSMT-1F. You see, Janne, Jannine, Vergil and Me are the best of douchebags in the class. I mean, we always study, sit the same row, chit chat, CHEAT *hellyeah*, hangout, eat and laugh together. They're always the one whom I really really trust the most out of all friends I have. But now, somehow, I feel like I can't trust them anymore.
-JanneJanne is my douche. She's a she but she acts boyish all the time and sometimes, Its annoying.But, I love her that way. She's like a sister to me. She's the first L I've ever really really been closed with. What I hate about her now is that she sides more on K rather than hearing my side. She seems not to give a fuck. What hurts is that, she thinks Im all okay with everything. If she really cares, she would help in anything that can solve our relationship *since thats what I have been doing for you and rhea!* not just sit in one corner and let everything fall down. Sometimes, I even think that she's scared to tell me the truth cause maybe she supports K more rather than me, her real best friend. It's just sad that she didn't even asked me what was going on and what she can help to solve and get back things together again. Nevertheless, I know she doesn't want to side on someone.
-JannineJannine is my soulsis. She's in Dumaguete now. She's the one I've always hang on to for everything. I always tell her my problems. She inspires me always with all her gospels and bible phrases. In fact, she was only the one whom I opened how hurt I was of what K did to me. She told me things will be fine and that I can chika her everything when she comes to Cebu. But then here comes....
-VergilVergil is my stalker. He stalked me back when we were 1st year. He chats me at fb in a very weird prof pic. It was weird, he even call me bunny. We quite get along cause we love the same hippy songs and cause we always cheat together during Chem and Physics.
....Vergil & Jannine kinda fell in love. I don't know how a geek like Vergil got Jannine but for some reason, I hated them. They're still dating now and yeah, filthy couples.
Jannine recently came to Cebu last week. Vergil was all that open to us about what his plans when Jannine comes to Cebu. I and Janne were tooo excited that we even saved up money for our soon-to-be hangouts. But Jannine's parents stricted her to go elsewhere except SM. They stayed here for one fucking night and J's plan was only to hangout with her boyfie the whole saturday. So thats why, she sent us this PLEASE-UNDERSTAND-ME message which we replied OH-OKAY, THATS-FINE.. blah blah whatever! Well, as for us, we decided to not give a damn anymore about them and just pool out with Edch and Rhea, Janne's GF, at Villa Teresita.
But we we're hurt. No. Mad rather. She always chats about how she misses us and everything. Even Janne was mad about the whole PLEASE-UNDERSTAND-ME message thing. I was mad as fuck, you have no idea. I mean there's no difference if we can just see her for 3-5 minutes and then walk away, dba? After that you can go all sexy time together. But she thinks we're all fine and that we always have to understand them cause yeah they're special together and we're just ex-cmates who doesn't miss her. I mean, thats so selfish. Now she's back at Dumaguete and we didn't even see her. Me and Janne are now on silent treatment and idk when will this end. But, maybe somehow, we just have to let her know that its not okay to just CHOOSE BOYFIE OVER BESTFRIENDS. She should have understand that since we were all bestfriends at the first place.
So yeah, Im disappointed as fuck. -.-
Wednesday, May 16, 2012 @ 9:16 AM 0 stares
And there are times when I feel like Im just playing around with my feelings. I don’t know but
maybe that’s what this life is all about, always lose special people around
you. People whom you thought will always be there for you, for whom you put your
whole trust to but failed. Honestly, I was hurt. I was bittersweet-ed hurt. That
kind of feeling that even sleep can’t comfort and even smoking cant forget. I’ve always thought that sleep and smoking and
not minding everything else makes me feel better all the time. They always make
me feel better before. But for some reason, they just don’t work out now
anymore. Day by day, I feel like nothing but some useless daughter- friend-sister-granddaughter
to everyone. I try to redirect my
thoughts by keeping in touch with friends but nothings working out. Tried to
hang out but for some reason, they always gave me this excuses. I don’t know
what to do next actually, all I know is that Im going 3rd year. Same
school, same people, same hallways, same classes. Hopefully, different environment
and a place to stay in.
But there’s always something that tells me inside, “Wow, you fell
for the same trap again.” and “You’re generally a mistake.” Im just confused
how all of the sudden just went slapping in my face. Like I don’t even know
what I did and entered into for the past months. All I know is I saw myself
trusting again for the 2nd time but then was disappointed, again.
Being with this person made my 2nd year worthwhile along with people
whom I always consider gifts. I miss that specific person. A person who proved to me that I can do something on my own, that I can trust again, that a mistake
I’ve done before was only a tiny error, that Im not alone, that I have to let go
of my past, that taught me that GOD is always there and that I can also feel being
loved. I know we haven’t talk in awhile and see each other for 2 months
already, and I understand how you can handle everything like this but I just want to let you know that Im always
here. Even though you decided not to talk to me anymore like you always did, I
will always be a good friend and that you will always be in my heart. I miss you and all the stuffs we always talked
about. I do wish you'll talk to me these days.
Friday, May 11, 2012 @ 6:05 AM 0 stares
They always bring me down for no reason. They point out my mistakes instead of the loyalty and respect I gave to them for the past 2 years. Now, don’t start me with those things that I didn’t do just because you heard it from them. If you have problems with me transferring to a dorm cause you think I cant look on my own, cant find any food to fit my small allowance, cant go home early cause Im spending my time dating, cant wash my own clothes and cant clean my space? Well, Im a grown up and yeah, I can wash my clothes, I can clean, I can look on my own THANKS TO YOU and I dont just go drinking and smoking and dating with any of my friends cause I’ve got shitloads to do at Velez. I hope you can understand that Im trying my very best to finish this college stuff and hopefully, not depend on you giving me financially. I do wish sometimes you can be proud of me Daddy.
Thursday, May 10, 2012 @ 6:08 AM 0 stares
Tuesday, April 24, 2012 @ 6:21 AM 0 stares
So, I just spent these past four days at Mamita’s place. Her parents are awesome. Especially Tita Tes, who welcomed me to their home with her high childy voice “HOPIA, FEEL at HOME ha?”. She’s the kind of mom who will never ran out of HYPE. She always in a mood for anything and in fact even invited me for their trip in Butuan next month. Butuan is where Tito Rene came from and yeah the white sand. *zzzsssdddhhhh and VENUS, their hairy pet dog.
I helped at everything actually. I offered myself to dance for the doxology along with Ross, *pretty dancer sister of Ross who has 3 peircings and yeah, mmmoooorrreee pretty than Ross* and Ednah. I Also arranged the giveaways
and the photoshoots with Mami Jaja.
The photoshoot was not that comfortable cause I can’t just tell Mami what to do and what angle should be done. But the pics were nice. Everything was not that organized honestly, Mamita is too slow, I admit. I always had to repeat the same instructions to her twice. I got too annoyed at the fact that she’s too damn scared of telling people what to do esp CHARLES. The tarpaulin layout making was frustrating cause I kept on telling the operator what should be and what shouldn’t. I was roaming at Ayala with brows high cause idk what to react anymore. I just cant scold her. Thanks to Mikee who went crazy dancing and lifting with me at Ayala Grounds and also, treated dinner at KFC. I saw Kyra and others there, *i was about to go hug and kiss Kyra and I think she was, too but I just said a loud HI to her cause I was too damnfuck sweaty and smelly.* And, I was not that organized too, cause I didn’t know what to do. Mamita promised to lend me her Jasmine Yellow costume for her debut thats why I didn’t prepare anything but I ended up with just a skirt and mango sleeveless with heels on and a bunny headband to add up my character. *lololol
Saturday went CUHRAAAZZZY cause mamita and I woke up very late. I still dont have any costume to wear, thanks to Tita Tes who gave me ideas on what to wear. The cake wasn’t ready yet and we’re still not at the venue for Mamita’s makeup and the makeup artist and gaaaaaah.
At first the doxology was a mess, I looked like some escaped scarecrow.
We didn’t get to finish it cause the music stopped. Dinner was delish with the baby back ribs and white pasta and tapioka and anything that ME and JOE can munch on. The ramp around the swirly staircase was cute with Den2x.
The presenting of 18 candles was as usual emotional when it comes to me.
I was the 2nd candle and yeah, I cried at the unusual part. I think it was only me and ate Kotchka cried. Other presentations was great esp the 18 roses where the highlights were Den2x’s speech and Mami jaja’s hug to Dadi EM2x. The dancing of Waka-Waka was stupid.
The musical play of te Kotchka caught me so badly that I just cant help but stare at her while she’s singing. The parent’s speech went well too. Everything went well as planned. It ended so late that we didn’t get a chance to DISCO since its actually included at the program. Overall, it was a sweet success. xoxox
Tuesday, April 17, 2012 @ 6:26 AM 0 stares
So, the original plan was just to watch movies at Faith’s place. Piglet was too eager and excited so yeah, I had to take a bath right after I ate lunch. Took a tricycle towards Balamban. Stopped at the church and waited for Piglet at the benches. While I was waiting for piglet, I saw Vince. But I just looked at the other way cause I dont want to drunk myself. *basin unya msakspan tas kalaki ani ron* FML hahah It took Joy2 *my co-franciscan schoolmate* and Piglet to reach me there for 15 minutes or so, flies were like flying everywhere and god that weather is too hot on my legs. I wore skinnys cause I thought if Im going to pair it with shorts with the sleeveless top, im definitely gonna look like a slut. *slut with no boobs. haha
I actually felt overwhelmed seeing Piglet. I felt like I still got friends still. Friends who’s always be there and not let you feel like hanging. So much for drama, we agreed to ride a tricycle towards Arpili where Faith is residing. We stopped in front of USJR. *that weird school with weird students* We waited for Faith to come and fetch us since we dont know where her house is. Faith was riding a motorcycle when she came and I didn’t quite expected that. *Faith has always been this childhood bff to me. We met at Araneta Learning Center at Grade 3. I remembered we were 7 in that class and it was only me and faith who go quite well with everything. We always tell ourselves that we’re not goin to leave ourselves behind and that were going HS together and so thus college. But things change, we were the academic conflict and she always had to compete me in terms of exam scores and even in the ranks. I didn’t find her a competition, I just really did great on my school works thats why I outranked her and syvelle. Even patrick, our ALWAYS 2nd Honor stud, when I outranked him too. But after graduation, Faith decided to study HS at Toledo and poor me left behind at ALC. Syvelle went to Davao, too. But I transferred to SFA just to be reunited again with Syvelle who transferred at 4th year. So yeah, Faith studied at Velez too so yea thats why we’re reunited again, this time we’re not competing with our grades. The difference this time is that Im the irreg and she’s still REG. * So yeah, I rode with faith and on my back was Piglet on the way to their house. Her mom greeted as warmly and she asked “HOW’S LIFE W/OUT MOMMMY?” and I just answered a weird “haha, okay ra mn tita.”
Faith guided us inside their house which was GREEN at the outside but BLUE on the inside with with AIRCONDITION. *same as kat’s crib” So faith just suddenly shouted at me and told me that why I didn’t told her about my relationship with her cmate. Why now that we broke up just she knew everything. * well duh, i thought kebaw na gd ka!* Then she came up with everything she noticed about my ex and playing around with a particular girl lately. um haha So yeah, they teased me and it was quite awkward at my part cause Joy was there *Joy is piglet’s cuz. I always find her lesby in her ways actually. She always says hi to me the hallway and always compares me to Samantha. Not to mention in fb, duh* But IDGAF actually, I just want to have some fun. Faith’s idea came up and decided to go to Casili with her Kuys *Kuys that are actually the same age as us but were a lot taller. They were noisy but because they’re goin to drive us so hey I HAVE TO COOPERATE* We went on this hill parts with just motorcycle’s on. I admit it was scorching hot but seeing all those green pastures felt so summery and refreshing. Seeing cows and goats around and springs.
Casili is this underground river outlet at Arpili. The fresh water emerges from the mouth of a cave system which is very deep and wide underneath. So far sa mga dives nila sa mga underwater caves mao daw ni ang pinaka lawom. Pag flashlight nila sa mga kilid daw makita nila ang walls as if walay tubig kay crystal clear ang tubig but there are some areas nga inig flashlight nila mura ug endless abyss daw. The volume of freshwater is very big so water distracts you can tap this. But who cares, we’re only goin to watch it and we didn’t brought suits for swimming so yeah we’re SUPPOSED to watch ONLY. But sa akong ka kiat, I just went on the waters and just wet my skinny just to feel the waters but I ended up swimming cause idk the water was cold and there were kids swimming around and i kinda felt like swimming, too. Faith came in and so thus piglet. We didn’t remove any clothings FTW haha. We jumped and swim like idiots there esp ME I was like this mad girl who’s wearing a floaty top with bra coming out and a skinny. *picture me out? haha I enjoyed jumping from that big stone nearby cause the water just grabs you underneath right after you jump. It felt cool and refreshing on the way back when you’re gasping for air. I felt good, really.