Wednesday, May 16, 2012 @ 9:16 AM 0 stares
And there are times when I feel like Im just playing around with my feelings. I don’t know but
maybe that’s what this life is all about, always lose special people around
you. People whom you thought will always be there for you, for whom you put your
whole trust to but failed. Honestly, I was hurt. I was bittersweet-ed hurt. That
kind of feeling that even sleep can’t comfort and even smoking cant forget. I’ve always thought that sleep and smoking and
not minding everything else makes me feel better all the time. They always make
me feel better before. But for some reason, they just don’t work out now
anymore. Day by day, I feel like nothing but some useless daughter- friend-sister-granddaughter
to everyone. I try to redirect my
thoughts by keeping in touch with friends but nothings working out. Tried to
hang out but for some reason, they always gave me this excuses. I don’t know
what to do next actually, all I know is that Im going 3rd year. Same
school, same people, same hallways, same classes. Hopefully, different environment
and a place to stay in.
But there’s always something that tells me inside, “Wow, you fell
for the same trap again.” and “You’re generally a mistake.” Im just confused
how all of the sudden just went slapping in my face. Like I don’t even know
what I did and entered into for the past months. All I know is I saw myself
trusting again for the 2nd time but then was disappointed, again.
Being with this person made my 2nd year worthwhile along with people
whom I always consider gifts. I miss that specific person. A person who proved to me that I can do something on my own, that I can trust again, that a mistake
I’ve done before was only a tiny error, that Im not alone, that I have to let go
of my past, that taught me that GOD is always there and that I can also feel being
loved. I know we haven’t talk in awhile and see each other for 2 months
already, and I understand how you can handle everything like this but I just want to let you know that Im always
here. Even though you decided not to talk to me anymore like you always did, I
will always be a good friend and that you will always be in my heart. I miss you and all the stuffs we always talked
about. I do wish you'll talk to me these days.
Friday, May 11, 2012 @ 6:05 AM 0 stares
They always bring me down for no reason. They point out my mistakes instead of the loyalty and respect I gave to them for the past 2 years. Now, don’t start me with those things that I didn’t do just because you heard it from them. If you have problems with me transferring to a dorm cause you think I cant look on my own, cant find any food to fit my small allowance, cant go home early cause Im spending my time dating, cant wash my own clothes and cant clean my space? Well, Im a grown up and yeah, I can wash my clothes, I can clean, I can look on my own THANKS TO YOU and I dont just go drinking and smoking and dating with any of my friends cause I’ve got shitloads to do at Velez. I hope you can understand that Im trying my very best to finish this college stuff and hopefully, not depend on you giving me financially. I do wish sometimes you can be proud of me Daddy.
Thursday, May 10, 2012 @ 6:08 AM 0 stares
Tuesday, April 24, 2012 @ 6:21 AM 0 stares
So, I just spent these past four days at Mamita’s place. Her parents are awesome. Especially Tita Tes, who welcomed me to their home with her high childy voice “HOPIA, FEEL at HOME ha?”. She’s the kind of mom who will never ran out of HYPE. She always in a mood for anything and in fact even invited me for their trip in Butuan next month. Butuan is where Tito Rene came from and yeah the white sand. *zzzsssdddhhhh and VENUS, their hairy pet dog.
I helped at everything actually. I offered myself to dance for the doxology along with Ross, *pretty dancer sister of Ross who has 3 peircings and yeah, mmmoooorrreee pretty than Ross* and Ednah. I Also arranged the giveaways
and the photoshoots with Mami Jaja.
The photoshoot was not that comfortable cause I can’t just tell Mami what to do and what angle should be done. But the pics were nice. Everything was not that organized honestly, Mamita is too slow, I admit. I always had to repeat the same instructions to her twice. I got too annoyed at the fact that she’s too damn scared of telling people what to do esp CHARLES. The tarpaulin layout making was frustrating cause I kept on telling the operator what should be and what shouldn’t. I was roaming at Ayala with brows high cause idk what to react anymore. I just cant scold her. Thanks to Mikee who went crazy dancing and lifting with me at Ayala Grounds and also, treated dinner at KFC. I saw Kyra and others there, *i was about to go hug and kiss Kyra and I think she was, too but I just said a loud HI to her cause I was too damnfuck sweaty and smelly.* And, I was not that organized too, cause I didn’t know what to do. Mamita promised to lend me her Jasmine Yellow costume for her debut thats why I didn’t prepare anything but I ended up with just a skirt and mango sleeveless with heels on and a bunny headband to add up my character. *lololol
Saturday went CUHRAAAZZZY cause mamita and I woke up very late. I still dont have any costume to wear, thanks to Tita Tes who gave me ideas on what to wear. The cake wasn’t ready yet and we’re still not at the venue for Mamita’s makeup and the makeup artist and gaaaaaah.
At first the doxology was a mess, I looked like some escaped scarecrow.
We didn’t get to finish it cause the music stopped. Dinner was delish with the baby back ribs and white pasta and tapioka and anything that ME and JOE can munch on. The ramp around the swirly staircase was cute with Den2x.
The presenting of 18 candles was as usual emotional when it comes to me.
I was the 2nd candle and yeah, I cried at the unusual part. I think it was only me and ate Kotchka cried. Other presentations was great esp the 18 roses where the highlights were Den2x’s speech and Mami jaja’s hug to Dadi EM2x. The dancing of Waka-Waka was stupid.
The musical play of te Kotchka caught me so badly that I just cant help but stare at her while she’s singing. The parent’s speech went well too. Everything went well as planned. It ended so late that we didn’t get a chance to DISCO since its actually included at the program. Overall, it was a sweet success. xoxox
Tuesday, April 17, 2012 @ 6:26 AM 0 stares
So, the original plan was just to watch movies at Faith’s place. Piglet was too eager and excited so yeah, I had to take a bath right after I ate lunch. Took a tricycle towards Balamban. Stopped at the church and waited for Piglet at the benches. While I was waiting for piglet, I saw Vince. But I just looked at the other way cause I dont want to drunk myself. *basin unya msakspan tas kalaki ani ron* FML hahah It took Joy2 *my co-franciscan schoolmate* and Piglet to reach me there for 15 minutes or so, flies were like flying everywhere and god that weather is too hot on my legs. I wore skinnys cause I thought if Im going to pair it with shorts with the sleeveless top, im definitely gonna look like a slut. *slut with no boobs. haha
I actually felt overwhelmed seeing Piglet. I felt like I still got friends still. Friends who’s always be there and not let you feel like hanging. So much for drama, we agreed to ride a tricycle towards Arpili where Faith is residing. We stopped in front of USJR. *that weird school with weird students* We waited for Faith to come and fetch us since we dont know where her house is. Faith was riding a motorcycle when she came and I didn’t quite expected that. *Faith has always been this childhood bff to me. We met at Araneta Learning Center at Grade 3. I remembered we were 7 in that class and it was only me and faith who go quite well with everything. We always tell ourselves that we’re not goin to leave ourselves behind and that were going HS together and so thus college. But things change, we were the academic conflict and she always had to compete me in terms of exam scores and even in the ranks. I didn’t find her a competition, I just really did great on my school works thats why I outranked her and syvelle. Even patrick, our ALWAYS 2nd Honor stud, when I outranked him too. But after graduation, Faith decided to study HS at Toledo and poor me left behind at ALC. Syvelle went to Davao, too. But I transferred to SFA just to be reunited again with Syvelle who transferred at 4th year. So yeah, Faith studied at Velez too so yea thats why we’re reunited again, this time we’re not competing with our grades. The difference this time is that Im the irreg and she’s still REG. * So yeah, I rode with faith and on my back was Piglet on the way to their house. Her mom greeted as warmly and she asked “HOW’S LIFE W/OUT MOMMMY?” and I just answered a weird “haha, okay ra mn tita.”
Faith guided us inside their house which was GREEN at the outside but BLUE on the inside with with AIRCONDITION. *same as kat’s crib” So faith just suddenly shouted at me and told me that why I didn’t told her about my relationship with her cmate. Why now that we broke up just she knew everything. * well duh, i thought kebaw na gd ka!* Then she came up with everything she noticed about my ex and playing around with a particular girl lately. um haha So yeah, they teased me and it was quite awkward at my part cause Joy was there *Joy is piglet’s cuz. I always find her lesby in her ways actually. She always says hi to me the hallway and always compares me to Samantha. Not to mention in fb, duh* But IDGAF actually, I just want to have some fun. Faith’s idea came up and decided to go to Casili with her Kuys *Kuys that are actually the same age as us but were a lot taller. They were noisy but because they’re goin to drive us so hey I HAVE TO COOPERATE* We went on this hill parts with just motorcycle’s on. I admit it was scorching hot but seeing all those green pastures felt so summery and refreshing. Seeing cows and goats around and springs.
Casili is this underground river outlet at Arpili. The fresh water emerges from the mouth of a cave system which is very deep and wide underneath. So far sa mga dives nila sa mga underwater caves mao daw ni ang pinaka lawom. Pag flashlight nila sa mga kilid daw makita nila ang walls as if walay tubig kay crystal clear ang tubig but there are some areas nga inig flashlight nila mura ug endless abyss daw. The volume of freshwater is very big so water distracts you can tap this. But who cares, we’re only goin to watch it and we didn’t brought suits for swimming so yeah we’re SUPPOSED to watch ONLY. But sa akong ka kiat, I just went on the waters and just wet my skinny just to feel the waters but I ended up swimming cause idk the water was cold and there were kids swimming around and i kinda felt like swimming, too. Faith came in and so thus piglet. We didn’t remove any clothings FTW haha. We jumped and swim like idiots there esp ME I was like this mad girl who’s wearing a floaty top with bra coming out and a skinny. *picture me out? haha I enjoyed jumping from that big stone nearby cause the water just grabs you underneath right after you jump. It felt cool and refreshing on the way back when you’re gasping for air. I felt good, really.
Sunday, April 15, 2012 @ 6:28 AM 0 stares
Friday
Friday morning went quite well. Woke up early cause I have to pack an undie since I dont have undies left at labangon. Took a bath and did some personal grooming [ I found my brown water-proof eyeliner btw. So i slid some of it on my eyes. It took me 3 times to really do the curve thing on my eyes until I got it perfectly right.] cause I thought friends would go pizza with me but *BUMMER* they didn’t. Waited for a v-hire at dust-blowing-everywhere road. Stupid mayor, they shouldn’t take that forever to repair this fuckin roads! They left dust everywhere and its irritating. Its like having DUST FOGS in the middle of the day. Finally, find one v-hire, took the back seat since it’s hard to fit in with the occupied ones.
Arrived at Ayala. Took a taxi to the clinic at Englis where Dok Joy is waiting *PATIENTLY since our appointment is at 1 and hey its already 2. haha But she welcomed us good inside the clinic. BADUM DUM* She took off my damn braces and god it felt really weird at first. I was actually sad cause I know that braces has some history and I had them on during my first to EVERYTHING. *fffffff Talked a bit about my retainers and why should I put them. I didn’t quite get everything she said cause IM TOO HUNGRY to listen to her craps. A few minutes later, i find myself running to Jolibee to eat lunch. I ate 2 sundaes and yeah, GLUTTONY again.
Took a 12L towards labangon. Stopped at Gaisano Tisa to let Rigel have his cut and me nails PEDICURED. *from frozen yellow, its now neon cherry pink* The salon was near the arcade and I just can’t help remember someone I used to play there. *just sad* IMY Katskins! :)* Went to Auntie’s house for dinner, played with Sparky for a bit since I really really missed that labrador and KingKog, too. * im gonna miss them esp when Im going to start terjer without them* and then went to sleep after. Got tired from that city heat.
Saturday
Saturday Morning was cold. I forgot Im in Bianca’s room where its always AIR-CONDITIONED. Played again with SPARKY and KingKong since everyone’s still asleep. Took bath and then woke up Rigel cause its time to go. We ate at Tapsilogan for breakfast since I haven’t tried anything there. Took a cab towards the clinic again cause Im such a lazy ass and just not in the mood to ride jeepneys. Bought some shades from some random man since I need to and cause I want to. And the heat is just nuts. Arrived at the clinic, waited for 2 hours just to have my retainers inside my mouth again. It tasted bad actually. I felt puking but decided not to cause thats disgusting. Took a cab to a clinic at SM just to have my X-rays. *Okay, this X-Ray Machine stuff is STUPID. They have to like force this disgusting film into your mouth and just push it on your salivary glands or idk what that part is but it sure did flood my mouth with salivas. *ew** She did it twice since the first one failed. So yeah, it was total flooding in my mouth. Went to that nearby mall just to see Dok Joel who’s going to pull my molars out. He greeted me and told me that I actually look thinner. *anorexia FTW haha He looked at the x-rays and decided not to pull my molars since its not ready yet or idk. But hey, they’re not going to stitch my gums thats cool, at least no puffy face, no pain relievers, no SOUP DIET and yeah NO STITCHES. *Stitches I mean the threads that they’ll be stitching in my gums, actual threads.* Hurray :’))
The APM mall has lots of good stuffs actually and I kinda bought one blouse. Yeah, just one. :”( Took a jeepney towards Ayala but went to IT Park instead. Stupid jeepney. I was quite astonished of the koreans there, they have their huge DSLRs and gosh If I could just have one. Ate lunch at KFC with Fiesta Pasta shizzz and a mash potato. Went to the nearby Krispy Kreme and bought a dozen for Mama. And now, a cab towards PUV Terminal at Ayala.
While I was at the v-hire already, a feeling of sadness just came in. People change, memories stay the same. Friends. Hangouts. Imissyousomuch.
Arrived at home, took a dip at the beach. It has waves coming in so yeah I had to swim. It took me only 10 minutes and then went home, bed. Dinner. Ate Halo-Halo with Liz. Watched pbb for awhile and then BED.
Friday, April 6, 2012 @ 6:10 AM 0 stares
So, I woke up at around 10 am because I slept 3 am watching videos which kinda left me crying like mad for idk hours. Just really annoyed when Naomi left Emily before summer vacation. and yeah its freaking fucking annoying as FFFFUUCCCCK! k. fuck
Ate corned beef for breakfast and listened to some new songs i’ve downloaded some nights ago. Seriously, I goota have lively music everyday so this body can stretch sometimes.
Lunch, then listened to musics at bed AGAIN and then fell asleep. Rigel woke me up for mass. I forced him to not join the acolytes since I dont wanna go mass alone. I didn’t took a bath cause its already 4 and gosh who knows when that mass will start with that bipolar priest. I decided to wear my skinnys and loose tee with matching havai. And that dogtag. yeah, that dogtag.
Arrived at church but stayed outside cause I saw Gio. Gio is my childhood friend, live near our block and graduated from Araneta. *Araneta Learning Center is where I graduated grade school and studied my 1st and 2nd HS years. 3rd and 4th at Saint Francis Academy and yeah where all bullshits happened.* We talked and talked and gosh I forgot I’ve never talked to Gio for like so many years already. His mom and mine are great DMI sisters and that quite made us close, too.
I went looking for my highschool barkadas but failed. I was hoping to see Ayn Rand so that I can hangout these days but again, failed. Syvelle too, whose going to celebrate her 19th this Tuesday and I dont know what to give to her. Im so broke at the moment.
Mass ended. Patay gutom mn ko so, I bought Tempura which me and Patrick, a childhood gay as in gayish boyfie of mine, shared. We quite had weird experiences with Patrick since his dad would always tease me to him. But I guess, he probably know why me and Patrick didn’t work out. It was me and Patrick who transferred at the same year at SFA but unfortunately he was placed in Sec B and I, on A. I actually envy his butt awhile ago. I mean he used to be this skinny gay who’s always clumsy and loves to sing. Idk what happened to him but he’s a fat-ass now.
Bought some nail polish “neon amarillo” char and colorless one. Annndd, painted my nails again with frozen purple. Puffed a bit at the veranda while waiting for that reply. *imissyou* AMAW! Called faye cause imiissher but seem occupied, too. Texted dearie but was on an BISITA IGLESIA.
And, still waiting for the reply. :|